The Miracle Of Meditation- And How It Saved My Life
The long journey through adversity that led me to joy and purpose.
Leaving the nest to early
Age 14, I left home. My parents splitting up had something to do with it. I needed to get away so I moved onto a enormous parcel of farmland in the middle of nowhere. it took me 8 hours to get to by train, and I was picked up by a family friend I had only ever met once.
The house I lived in was old, cold, dirty and really uncomfortable, there was my uncle Tom, and Aunty Gail, 7 Dogs, and 2 cats. The house I lived in more so resembled the likes of a oversize dog kennel.
I moved away to clear my mind, but instead i got stuck being woken up a 4AM every morning to help out and pay for my accommodation, and eating privileges. The only way we had hot water is if there was a fire burning because our ovan was essentially from the stone age, washing was done by hand and showers was pretty much a bucket and sponge.
I will admit life wasn't exactly as peaceful as I thought it would be, but I was determined to stay because no one in my family thought I would last 3 months.
I left the only reality I ever knew and in that situation I was in, I experienced overwhelming homesickness and FOMO hearing about all my friends back home having fun, going to parties etc.
Let Go Or Go Back
after 4 weeks of hell, I decided I wasn't going anywhere and that I would stay there for 1 year.
I let go of everything I couldn't have and I took in everything that I had. I had food, warth, and my mind. We ate the same thing 6 days a week, and I slept in a sleeping bag to hide from the unbearable cold.
waking up a 4AM to work, nearly every morning my hands would end up frozen numb from the frosty cold while fencing. But I would see the most incredible sun rise everyday.
I would get home and work for 2 hours, go to bed exhausted every night, but I would have the most incredible sleep.
I was from the city, so at school I did not fit in, so I learned how to first love the amazing beauty of solitude and eventually how to adapt to new environments.
On sundays I was given a day off, and me and my dog would walk for 5–10 hours, every sunday to the multiple dozens of old abandoned homesteads. I had nothing to do, nobody to be. I simple took in the beauty that was around me. and I had felt a sense of freedom that I had never experienced before.
I had left everything and everyone I loved, to come to a place with nothing to find serenity in the very nature of life itself.
The Next Chapter
It was a truly gifting experience but my time there had come to an end and it was time for me to go home.
Age 15 and I struggled immensely, mum had a new partner who I would physically fight with and dad had moved to queensland. I quickly after returning felt lost in the very place I called home.
My behaviour quickly spiraled downhill and again I was leaving my mother to move to Queensland to be with my dad.
At the time was dad’s mental state wasn't the best, he was dealing with his own change as best as he could. Drinking, smoking marijuana and partying with randoms so pretty much that landed me in a very unstable lifestyle.
I was in a situation where I had choices, but I made all the wrong ones, hanging out with crooks, smoking weed, drinking before school. Completely disregarding the fact that I had a future. Because at the time it seemed like I didn't.
2 years later my dad had found a partner and shortly after it was made known I didn't like the authority she tried to put on me I was kicked out. Age 17 nowhere to live except a car I had that was unregistered, at one stage a friend of mine used to bring me noodles at night so I wouldn't starve.
I was luckily taken in by a family, a friend of mine I went to school with who wasn't really the best influence on me i'll admit, but I went with it. We ran a muck and eventually I found myself at my first rock bottom and I needed to get away.
I moved back to Sydney age 19 and I sleep on the floor of my aunts study before she got me into housing for troubled youth. So, I went from one negative environment to the other.
A long Rock Bottom
Time does what it always does, and it went by. From the age of 16 to 20 I was depended on marijuana. It made me feel peace, the same type of peace and serenity that I had discovered on the farm in the middle of nowhere. Until one night I experienced my first overdue panic attack, and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone.
I stopped using marijuana that night hoping the anxiety would go away, but I was in constant battles with it, and I didnt see a way out of it.
I had a child at 21, a semi-toxic relationship and a very low paying job it seemed like the more I worked the more debt I would find myself in.
At 22 I was broke, overweight, jobless, seperated from my child's mother and I had a car that was broken down.
It safe to say that if I didn't have anxiety and panic disorder at that stage then there would have been something wrong with me. I was to afraid to even speak to a doctor for they would have just put me on medication.
The 2 hours that changed my life
I had nothing to live for accept my son, and I felt like I was failing him. The constant battle with anxiety led me to a video on youtube from Tony Robbins titled Tony Robbins — How To Overcome Anxiety, Depression and Fear (Tony Robbins Motivation).
Those two hours changed my life, I commited to letting go. I found within myself while meditating the most beautiful peace I could ever explain, a love for life, and a constant humble excitement about it.
I watched that video 4 years ago, today I am truly a happy person, I am healthy and very physically active, I have a great relationship with my sons mother, a beautiful partner and I own outright a multi-million dollar civil contracting and consulting business.
I found joy with nothing and living with that joy and excitement is what led me to everything that I have today. my mentor Les Brown ones said-you don't need to be great to get started, but you need to get started to be great.
And thats what happened to me, I lived with such excitement and passion in life, and it led me to some incredible things.
I truly believe that everyone has accessible to them, these incredible feelings that you can access that just completely changes the game for your quality of life. and my story and past is my blessings as the road it took me down led me back to the beauty of life.
You don't need to search hard for this feeling, if you let go, you will find it.
May the universe bless you!